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"Why Joe Rogan Should Have Me On His Show" (A Rap Song)

Kevin Kunundrum (as his alter-ego, "K-Dogg") kicks back in The Hood. Then he goes all old school on Joe "Moneybags" Rogan, as he raps about why he should be on Joe's effing show.



Question: Why would Joe Rogan wanna talk to me, Kevin Kunundrum?


Answer: Joe "Moneybags" Rogan wants to talk to me cuz I'm the Truth, the Real Shit, the glaze on the muthafuckin’ dough-nut…


(the beat drops…)

Hmm… Hmm… Hmmm


An' he'z the Joe-nut whose nut just nutted big-time buckage! 

So show me some luckage!… Muthafuckage!

My words fuckin' pierce like House's scalpel-wit, 

with Lupus always first, but the first ain’t it. 

That shit'll be last, an' first'll be the Beast!

I got thirst, muthafucka. My mind's a feast. 

Yer Joe-Me-The-Money. I'm Jerry Ma-fuckin’-Guire, not

Bob-Sugar liar. 

Dezire on fire!

The Wire an’ Stringer, ring that bell cuz I'm a ringer! 

So don't fuckin' linger!… (Picks up cell phone…)

Call Kunundrum back. 

He ain't no fuckin’ hack, cuz those LIKES he lacks. 

Don't ghost his white ass! He got game, lame! 

He'll make it just the same. An' fuck fame! Huhhhh! 

My words speak the truth 

in your booth with them headphones, 

no phony talking heads, homes… 

I may be a cracker, but I ain't no slacker.

Been in the Hood so long, everyday I'm gettin' blacker. 

I’m Poet Pat Mahomes. Jus’ pick up the phone.

Call me up the bell is Stringin’… 

But then Omar capped his ass, all scarface singin'

The farmer in the dell, yo… Fuckin hell, Joe! 

Put me on your show, so this Joe Blow can show

his Mofo quintessence. His next level 

shit-from-shine-ola

cuz he knows the fuckin' diff'rence.


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—copyright 2019, 2020 by Kevin Postupack